Deployed To Assist In Hurricane Relief Operations

And off he went to help with hurricane relief operations.

I am proud to be his wife and see him doing what he loves. 😍

You would think that saying goodbye gets easier with time but it doesn’t seem like it does.😭

It doesn’t matter if I am saying goodbye for a weekend, a week, months or a year. It’s always the same feeling. That thing you feel in your stomack and in your heart and no, it’s not butterflies. It’s a feeling that I sometimes cannot explain.

I feel happy to see him go to help others, I feel proud of being married to him for serving others, I feel honor, I feel like I am a part of everything that he does even if I am not the one wearing the uniform but in the other hand I also feel sad, worried, confused hoping deep down that he is not gone for long. I feel like I’ll be alone again with my 3 year old and I am going to have to make adjustments again, you know the little things I guess.

Like now having to wake up an Hour earlier than usual and drive 30 miles west from my house to now drop her off at school then head back pass my house to drive East and make it on time to work in downtown or having to cancel my recently registered boot camp that I had signed up to do for the month of September considering that he would be home sleeping with Olesya while I would try to “work out” hehe (I don’t work out) this was going to be myself forcing to get into the “fit mom club” haha well that will have to wait but I mean those things are not important.

What is important is that I support him and that I love him for him.

One thing that does make me a little emotional is seing that Olesya is now older & already knows that when papi puts on his uniform she won’t be able to see him through the night. She now says “Papi Army”. She looks at him and says:

“Papi you go Army? Don’t go Army”.

It’s the little things that we as military spouse’s have to live with. The constant goodbyes, the long distance relationship, the being mom and dad at the same time when your service member is deployed. Despite all of those things…

I am proud of my Soldier!🇺🇸

I am happy that through him we are able to help in some way the victims of #HurricaneHarvey.

Because I may be the wife that stays back home but I will never stop praying for his and everyone else’s safety. 🙏

#TexasStrong #ArmyStrong #Harvey #Helpingothers #Pray #UnityThroughPrayers #family #Prayerchain #hope #faith

Leaving the Job I Dreamed Of When I Was Growing Up

So many mixed emotions and after almost 8 years February 16 was my last day at CBS Radio. Not the easiest decision considering that I always dreamed of working in Radio when I was a teenager growing up in Mexico.
I remember I used to ride in the car listening to the radio and wonder how that music and the DJ ON air would come out through those speakers & How would it feel to be the one on the other side?
Fresh out of High School and thanks to my Tia Marta Leticia that met a General Manager who’s son was a patient at the Clinic where she used to work at and talked about me and my passion for music and radio got her card for me to call her and apply for a part time gig in promotions at Clear Channel Radio now IHeart Media.
I believe I was 18 when I got that gig getting paid minimum wage driving from Cedar Hill all the way by the Galleria Mall without any highway driving experience, I mean I learned how to drive in Mexico since I was 13 but the roads do not compare to these huge freeways and being that I had just moved here from MX I barley knew how to drive on them but that did not stop me.

I went to Mountain View in the morning, helped my parents at the bakery at midday in Oak cliff then headed to work promotions in the afternoon.
My step dad hated me working in radio, he would bump in to me sometimes in the parking lots of a supermarket while I was working during a Van Hit in the middle of the summer putting bumper stickers on cars and he would say “is this what you came to the US to do? To put bumper stickers on cars? And stand out in the sun all day for $7.25 an hour”. And I would just look smile and greet another listener. You know for me that was my dream, as ridiculous as it may sound, working at the radio station was everything for me. I Stayed at La Preciosa for a year left because my step dad hated Radio for me and one day helping my parents at the bakery closer to my time to go to the station my stepdad did not allow me to leave the bakery and made me call my boss and quit my job over the phone. I was crying, I was mad because there was nothing I could do. Yes, I was 18 but that was his car not mine, that was his bakery not mine and I lived at their house not mine, So I became a limited lines car insurance sales agent lasted a year when I hear a new Radio Station that played Latin pop was in town. Left my $14 an hr insurance job I had gotten at 19 to go back to Radio at 21 to get paid $7.50.

Took a major pay cut for me in that time but it was the Passion that I had for Radio that didn’t make me think of the pay. Yes, I struggled. I was trying to go to school, work and make it with minimum wage which thanks to God, I could by living at my parents house.
From there, I kept moving on. I started picking up every shift, every event, working weekends, holidays learning as much as I could.

Board Operating, production, voice overs, traffic, events, operations, promotions, ideation, on air shifts, everything. Name the shift, I would work it. Eventually after a yr and a half from $7.50 I got a raised due to working in the office and doing a Promotions Coordinator job to $10.

I was scheduling brand ambassadors, creating content for the website, executing on air promotions and assisting the promotions department, then after that another year went by the opened a full time position to be a coordinator for Mega and 98.7 KLUV which I was already doing the job of a coordinator as a part timer for Mega 107.5. I interviewed for the position but since I was not too familiar with KLUVs format I was not selected. So another person got the promotion and I kept working as a part timer.

Long story short they separated the position and opened up the position just for Mega which then got offered to me after 3 years. Obviously I took it since I was going to get benefits and a now full time job. Things got a little crazy for me at times, work was always my escape. I started on the air as the traffic reporter for the afternoon show with Pelos Parados then later added weekends on Mega 107.5 while I was also running the promotions team and executing events, contest and all that good stuff!

It was all about work, work, work! I enjoyed helping people, being in media allowed me to help a lot of people either directly or indirectly with fundraising events, to free music festivals, concerts benefiting great causes, to creating food drives, toy drives and tons of awesome things for the community.

So even when I wanted to leave that always kept pulling me back. I went on and kept going on, the work kept increasing the pay never did. I was overwork, unappreciated and I went through periods where all that mattered to me was to have everything taken care of at the radio station. I knew I had to get out, I knew it was not healthy for me, I was under the direction of very sexist boss, who was infatuated with me and got mad because I wouldn’t go out with him. He tried, he tried really hard to make me go out with him and he could not handle rejection. I saved up my money, stuck it out for a couple of months then when I felt I could survive for a couple of months. I Quit! I put my 2 weeks notice and left that place. I needed to leave to find something else. I was going through a lot personally from my parents separating and losing every thing including our home. I was homeless for a minute and my aunt took me in. I just couldn’t help it. I needed to leave in that process I was offered a job in Hollywood working for a movie agency, recommend by a good friend and while I was interviewing in their office in LA. I received a call from the radio station offering me a position and letting me know that all prior management were no longer there and that they wanted me back!

They offered me $45,000 for a position where I would be working for the station I have worked so hard for Mega 107.5 so i just couldn’t refuse the offer. Once back in things were different, the atmosphere was better and I was happy again!

But then came another restructuration at the same time that my husband was deployed in Afghanistan (I met my husband back in my college days but reconnected when I quit my job and took a part time at Barnes and Noble) the restructuration consisted of me now overseeing La Grande 107.5 which was previously La Mega, then 98.7 KLUV (the station I didn’t get the full time position for back when I applied) and then 1080KRLD.

Life is crazy, well I had to take the responsibility since there was no other option but to take it or quit the job. My pay did not go up, so I kept the same salary and was now doing the job of 3 people. (Not too strange in radio). My husband was deployed so again I went ahead and took the challenges being busy didn’t leave me with much time to think that he was gone and that I was once again alone but not only with myself but with our 1 y/o baby girl.

Times were hard but passion kept me going, my dream kept me going.

The times I spent at CBS were a rollercoaster they were fun, they were stressfull, they made me mad, angry, hopeless, smart, knowledgeable and most importantly at my time in CBS I made some of the strongest friendships.

So saying goodbye to radio was not that easy buy I knew it was my time to move on and go on to my next adventure.

Home

Once I was lost, left without a home

image

Alone, struggling through life confused.
Walking around with thousands of shattered dreams. With a broken heart, and empty soul with nothing on my name, nothing to lose nothing to gain.

I was just Jen a body walking around like a zombie, waking up, eating, going to work.

I would pick up shifts nobody else wanted, work Christmas, Thanksgiving, new years any holiday shift I would take it.
There was no purpose for me not to work it, I didn’t have anywhere else to be or to go. No where specifically to call home.

It hurt, it hurt really bad not having anyone to care for me. No one around to lift me up,  to trust to wait for me at home and ask me how my day was.

Home, I desperately looked for a place to call home. I worked hard, oh I worked hard. I focused on everything that I could do to make my self better

I struggled but I never gave up. Home. Home started in my soul, made me fall in love and have a beautiful baby girl. I can finally say I found home.

It was not something material, it was not something I could buy or work for. It was something that I could create with my own hands, with my soul, with my love, with my passion for life, for love.

Home, don’t look for it in others. Home is where you feel welcomed, love and accepted.
Love deeply, trust your soul and have faith. That’s the way you will find and create your own Home.

Married & Flirting: When Is It Too Far?

So this one is a good one, how far is it too far? Married and flirting when is it too far.

I know boys will be boys and there is no stopping them in flirting with other girls, I mean totally get it they want to feel like they still got it and they can pull anything that wears a skirt and gives them a little smile.

That just blows their mind, that tiny moment exchanging smiles and simple conversations with some other girl that of course it is not your wife.

But when is it too far? I will tell you in that split second when the little smiles, turn into a conversation and that conversation leads to a phone number exchange,  an email, a social media friend request or any other communication platform that says we will connect further and continue this flirting stage into more conversations.

That right there has gone too far. You might be asking your self but why? if it is just a “new friend” it is “nothing more”.

Let me go back to that moment that you took her number and you did not even care to stop and say hey sorry but I am MARRIED and I have children. It was really nice talking to you.

No you went ahead and took the number, the email, the name, the request etc. Which means you took it little to far.. possibly falling into the first stage of cheating.

In all this setting there was no mention to your wife about this encounter, this “new friend” that you made while in a business trip, a guys night out, during a deployment or any other location. You are thousands of miles away, you have a family back home but you didn’t care.

All you cared about is that simple little moment of feeling special and the fact that you are talking and starting a new relationship with another girl that is not your wife.

That flirting right there is when it’s gone too far.

If you are in an open relationship a very open marriage then this might not be too far if you 2 have agreed to flirt with others and create new encounters, new relationships with other people and still manage to be good with each other.

Just think about it of when you are at the verge of going to far, I will say it’s so simple. Just think about what you would not be okay with your wife doing behind your back. What you think being in that reverse place and it makes you upset because your wife did it. That right there is how you know… when you or her have gone to far.

Now don’t get me wrong I am a girl and of course if I see a handsome guy or he is giving me a little of attention and he approaches me for a conversation I wouldn’t deny a conversation and if I am interested in continuing that conversation further than what we just had at that moment then I would take his number but this is, if I was Single!

I would not doubt it and I would take his digits in a heart beat but being Married I don’t think my husband would be too happy if he found out that I had been exchanging my number and connecting with another guy just so we can be friends.

I don’t think there is a problem with flirting or seeing other girls and thinking they are cute, have a nice body or are very attractive. Same goes to women I don’t think their is anything wrong on seeing a guy and thinking they are Hot!  We are humans and we are not blind and not because we are married means that we don’t notice these things. But theirs is that fine line right on the edge of flirting and falling in to cheating. It all starts with  exchanging a number.

o-MAN-WOMAN-BAR-facebook

What do you think?

 

 

 

 

 

 

¿Y Tu, Que Tan Lejos Quieres Llegar?

Cada día que pasa te das cuenta que no todas las personas a tu alrededor la tienen tan fácil, que algunas tendrán mas dinero pero tal vez mas problemas, mas deudas, mas enemigos.

Estas parada en medio de la multitud, por primera vez dejas de hablar y congelada en el tiempo ves que todas las personas van o se dirigen hacia algún lugar.

Algunos solo caminan si tener una meta, ni un destino. Solo caminan.

Otros van tan determinados que no ven las distracciones a su alrededor, ni toman en cuenta las personas que van pasando y dejando a tras en su camino.

Te quedas paralizada y pensando hacia donde vas tu? volteas hacia tras y ves que has llegado tan lejos que tal vez no era lo que tenias planeado para tu vida pero que has hecho todo lo posible por vivirla por luchar a ser feliz día a día!

Que a pesar de que muchos a tu alrededor no han hecho nada por ayudarte lo bueno es que no tantos te han estorbado, si has tropezado varias veces, te has caído miles de veces pero como quiera has decidido seguir hacia delante.

Y hoy, hoy te preguntas que tan lejos quieres llegar…

Analizate, anota todos tus logros, tus metas y todas aquellas cosas pendientes que tienes, que quieres terminar para empezar muchas mas!

 

 

 

Los Ciclos De La Vida Segun Yo

En algunas ocasiones uno no entiende los hechos ni las acciones de otras personas, solo ve cada uno por sus propios interéses.
Cada etapa viene acompañada de diferentes personas, diferentes amistades, diferentes caras.

Cada fase es diferente.
Si sales, si no sales y si sales con quien sales.
Son ciclos en los cuales de un momento a otro llegan a su fin.

Los ciclos podrían ser proyectados en durar un promedio de 5 años.

De los 13 a los 18 Tal vez aun llevamos los amigos de la secundaria y la prepa y nos juntamos aún fuera de la escuela y el verano, pero se llega el fin y a comenzar nuestro viaje a la nueva vida, para unos la Universidad, para otros el trabajo y otros simplemente cambio de lugar. Habrá esos amigos que a pesar de la distancia aún mantendrán esa comunicación sólo para no olvidar de dónde vienen y hasta que lejos han llegado.

De los 18 a los 23 la plena juventud, los amigos, los clubs, los bares y todo lo que tenga que ver con vivír en el extasis total. Diversión, Ropa nueva, Fiestas, amistades, muchas amistades! Todo se ve facil, todo es un momento, un momento en cual algunos aprovechan bien y otros lo dejan pasar. Unos toman buenas decisiones se enfocan al studio, otros a solo trabajar. Algunos dicen aun estoy joven tengo tiempo para poderme equivocar.

De los 23 a los 28 nos va pegando la realidad, las deudas, el trabajo, la renta. Las preguntas de la sociedad. Si fuiste a la Universidad talvez estas apunto de graduarte, si te fuiste directo al trabajo ya estas cansado de estar en el mismo lugar, quieres algo Nuevo algo que te pague mas. Trabajas mas duro, le echas mas ganas para conseguir lo que siempre querias y ya no regresar. En esta fase talvez te has casado, juntado, enamorado, divorciado o estas esperando un bebe ya.

De los 23 a los 28 aun no termino pero es el ciclo en el que me encuentro ya. Y deja te cuento que eh perdido amigos, eh perdido familiares, ya no salgo a muchas fiestas, que tengo casi 2 años que no salgo de compras, ni me pongo una borrachera. Pero tengo una bebe Hermosa por la cual me levanto todos los dias y rezo a Dios que me permita vivir mas ciclos para verla crecer y vivir los de ella.

Estos son los Ciclos De La Vida Segun Yo.

Como La Mosca En La Pared

Todos pasan y al verla la quieren atrapar, matar o tumbar..
sin saber el motivo o razon del porque.

Solo por que es diferente, porque no es agradable a la vista
ni parte de un mundo de criaturas con pies.

Solo la auhyentan, la atacan, y la hacen sufrir
sin darle el tiempo de siquiera pensar en morir.

De pronto la atacan directo a su fin..
ella se encuentra sola..solo quiere ser feliz.

Deberias de acercarte a ella sin tener que hacerla
sentir que tiene que volar por que si se queda la vuelves infeliz..

Con tus frases la atacas, la destrozas sin conocer su razon
de exisitir..ella solo quiere quedarse por un momento en tu corazon de latex y vivir…

Como la mosca en la pared, solo quiere un momento eterno de placer…
Un momento suspendido en la orilla de la vida y el terror de perecer.

No seas malo con su corazon de papel tratalo con cuidado
con amor y empapalo de dulce miel…

Ella se quedara contigo por un momento como la mosca en la pared… 

 Thursday, October 13, 2011

Next To You

I don’t know you I don’t think I am going to. Why do you hide, why do you get away from me. Why do you have to be so difficult, why do you always have to pretend like everything is okay.

How do you do it, how can you walk without an emotion how can you be so adorable and not be able to love the ones around how can you love and not know how to show it.

Are you lost, do you need someone to find you have you found that person that you lost, that was there when you were not.

Always on the run, never ready for commitment, plans terrify you, events in life keep you always with a tear and a knot in your throat, you want to smile but you can’t smile without a tear.

Instead you put your head down and you turn around. Away from reality away from what hurts you.

You are so talented in pushing the right people away, well any people away you don’t let them get to close, you don’t even let them get to your second layer of your thick skin.

Why do you always have to keep fighting, keep your guard up, keep your eyes open, why can’t you not even sleep without dreaming that you are awake and need to see who is watching you. You are always at war. Always on a mission hope you don’t return home. Home is what you keep looking for. You lost that touch. You lost the meaning and the feeling of what that looks like.

Why do you like to be alone, why do you get away, don’t get close. I want you here Next to me.

I want you to meet me, to discover, to keep digging deeper, to try a little harder to give in a little more, to love without hatred in your heart.

I want you to slowly turn to me, that when I look at myself in the mirror I slowly but surely loose you in the reflect that you become my strength not my enemy.

Please give in a little more. I want you I need you Next to me…

…a letter to me from me.
Monday, April 29, 2013 Posted by: jenjen

Tu Error

No se si te queria

si me enamore o talvez

solo queria escapar de una realidad que me tenia atrapada refugiada en soledad.

Tu con tanta insistencia y esa actitud

de macho que dice o me haces caso o me haces caso

me volvio un poco loca y me hizo pensar

que talvez tu si eras ese hombre que desde hace tiempo

queria encontrar sin buscar…

Me llamo la atencion tu sinceridad, tus ganas de amar

tu egoismo, tu sarcasmo, tu forma de presumir cayendole

gordo casi a todos los que a mi lado estan

Pero me gusto la forma en que nada te parecia fuera de lugar

en el publico gritabas, me insultabas y me hacias sonrojar

Mis ojitos verdes se dilataban casi rojos se tornaban cada

que me hacias enojar con tus comentarios grotescos llenos de mediocridad

No se porque si no me hablabas dulce yo te seguia como las abejas

siguen a un panal, ansiaba encontrar la miel y llenarme de alegria

mi monotona sonrisa sin curva y dientes que brillar

Eras super agresivo siempre listo para pelear

te convertias en lobo cada y cuando te sentias invadido

en tu privacidad.

No me permitiste amarte y entregarte mi amor total,

aun no llegaba a eso, aun no sentia mi corazon flotar

solo me hacia mas pesada, mas intensa y super cargada de tu negatividad

que irradiabas siempre a cada paso en tu caminar

No creo que me enamore aun faltaba tiempo para este amor consumar

tu lo destruiste con tanta inseguridad

Nunca creiste en ti te kejabas de la humanidad, te sentias atacado solo listo para pelear.

De todos los errores que has cometido este deberia de ser el final

tu error de alejar a todos los que te aman deberia de terminar…

Ya no te keda nadie solo mira a tu alrededor, te has quedado solo! Solo a tu corta edad y no es por que el ser lo quiso si no por ti,

por tu absurda inseguridad que te sumerge en un vacio lleno de soledad!

Y Mi Corazón

Aun no deja de latir…
Sera que es imposible sonreir cuando todo alrededor
esta lleno de nada, solo de un sitio sin color.
donde no hay amor ni amigos ni amigas de la luz…

Que cosas de la vida tan hermosas
las que en alguna ocasion fueron quimeras que ahora con tanta
malicia se convierten en tonteras..
Solo porque no quisiste alejarte de la tormenta cuando el tornado se acercaba
tu decidiste quedarte estancado en un abismo refugiandote del viento huracanado..

No intentaste nada, no preguntaste ni dijiste nada solo te quedaste viendo
y deseando que me quedara…pero lo siento en mi corazon ya no hay nada..

se agotaron los minutos, y la tarjeta no es recargable, el tiempo se fue..
los segundos ya no se agregaron si no se congelaron en el momento que
todos me fallaron…

Y mi corazon aun sigue latiendo
asi ke me demuestra ke no hay necesidad de
estar contigo, ni de buenas ni de mal amigo…

jenjen