Was It Too Rushed?

Sitting on the couch looking through the window, I see the rain is poring down. Getting stronger and stronger then I hear some thunder while my husband is on the other room watching TV and playing video Games.

My mind starts to wonder off, was it to rushed. Did we get involve to quick? Do we really have a lot of things in common?

He says I am a Dreamer, that I like to try and jump into new things constantly, that I l like to travel and that he is okay with simply being. With being comfortable and staying with the already known.

That made me think again, was it too rushed? Are we really meant for eachother? Did we become parents way too soon? are we really entitled to last, if our differences are more and more noticeable every day that passes by?

He was deployed for almost a year, so in that whole year we spent it apart, each one of us adapted to being alone and grew internally closer to our own selfs.

He bacame more into porn, video games and social media. I became more into porn as well along with the desire to travel, to live more, to take my baby and experience the beauty of the world.

That time apart from eachother made us mature, grow and become better parents. We are a good team together, we love eachother, we care for eachother, we count on eachother, we are just so different and at the beggining of our relationship we went in, full speed. I mean no brakes no nothing. We ran wild, we did so many crazy things together that made us fall in love fast without thinking of the future. We used to talk, laugh, have fun together.

Today we can go a full day with out really speaking to eachother. Specially with this technology, social media world makes it harder to communicate. We are here but we are not really here. We are present but not really present.

I crave for real conversations, real touch, real advice. Being human together. The being present, the enjoying life through our eyes, touch, smell in all of our senses.

He is more into sitting outside smoking and watching videos on Facebook. While I am just here hanging on trying to have any conversations with him that are not just a msg or a phone call.

We are in the same house but not in the same room more than 30mins, unless it is bed time and we are getting ready to go to sleep.

All of this could be just a post-deployment effect and all I am doing is trying to support and hang on tight. Trying to hold on as much as I can.

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Married & Flirting: When Is It Too Far?

So this one is a good one, how far is it too far? Married and flirting when is it too far.

I know boys will be boys and there is no stopping them in flirting with other girls, I mean totally get it they want to feel like they still got it and they can pull anything that wears a skirt and gives them a little smile.

That just blows their mind, that tiny moment exchanging smiles and simple conversations with some other girl that of course it is not your wife.

But when is it too far? I will tell you in that split second when the little smiles, turn into a conversation and that conversation leads to a phone number exchange,  an email, a social media friend request or any other communication platform that says we will connect further and continue this flirting stage into more conversations.

That right there has gone too far. You might be asking your self but why? if it is just a “new friend” it is “nothing more”.

Let me go back to that moment that you took her number and you did not even care to stop and say hey sorry but I am MARRIED and I have children. It was really nice talking to you.

No you went ahead and took the number, the email, the name, the request etc. Which means you took it little to far.. possibly falling into the first stage of cheating.

In all this setting there was no mention to your wife about this encounter, this “new friend” that you made while in a business trip, a guys night out, during a deployment or any other location. You are thousands of miles away, you have a family back home but you didn’t care.

All you cared about is that simple little moment of feeling special and the fact that you are talking and starting a new relationship with another girl that is not your wife.

That flirting right there is when it’s gone too far.

If you are in an open relationship a very open marriage then this might not be too far if you 2 have agreed to flirt with others and create new encounters, new relationships with other people and still manage to be good with each other.

Just think about it of when you are at the verge of going to far, I will say it’s so simple. Just think about what you would not be okay with your wife doing behind your back. What you think being in that reverse place and it makes you upset because your wife did it. That right there is how you know… when you or her have gone to far.

Now don’t get me wrong I am a girl and of course if I see a handsome guy or he is giving me a little of attention and he approaches me for a conversation I wouldn’t deny a conversation and if I am interested in continuing that conversation further than what we just had at that moment then I would take his number but this is, if I was Single!

I would not doubt it and I would take his digits in a heart beat but being Married I don’t think my husband would be too happy if he found out that I had been exchanging my number and connecting with another guy just so we can be friends.

I don’t think there is a problem with flirting or seeing other girls and thinking they are cute, have a nice body or are very attractive. Same goes to women I don’t think their is anything wrong on seeing a guy and thinking they are Hot!  We are humans and we are not blind and not because we are married means that we don’t notice these things. But theirs is that fine line right on the edge of flirting and falling in to cheating. It all starts with  exchanging a number.

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What do you think?

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Secret About Marriage.

Talking one day with My Boss he told me something that really changed my mind.  He said Jen you want to know what is the secret about marriage.

He said, it’s really simple and it ‘s only 4 words. The secret to make your marriage work is that “IS NOT ABOUT YOU”

I was like huh? what do you mean? He said, now a days we are all so selfish, everyone is just going after their own interests.

With there comments of:

“I want to go out”

“I’m going out with my friends to drink because I deserve to”

“I am going to keep talking to her because she is my friend”

“I am not going to stop partying and spending money because it’s my money”

“I need to be out, and have fun”

“Yeah, I’m on tinder, match.com and zoosk but that was before you”

When you go into a relationship or a marriage with that attitude and that is the way you treat your spouse, then it is definitely not going to work.

When you stop and start taking out the “I” in everything and start thinking for him or for her it stops being all about you. You need to stop being selfish, you need to stop wanting everything to go your way. You need to compromise and realize that it is NOT ABOUT YOU!

You both have to think that way. He has to think it’s not about him and you have to think that it’s not about you.

Try and you will see how much your marriage will change, start making little changes and doing things for her or for him. Think about what she likes, what would make her smile, think about what you can do to make her smile.

Believe me, keep her happy and you will always be happy.  Keep him happy and he will love you more than ever.

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