Don’t just settle

That moment when you don’t know what else to do, where to go, nor where to hide your emotions and pretend that everything is perfect.

That moment when you get tired of pretending, but then you think about it and say but I can be happy by not wanting more, by just living and getting by.

I can be okay with just being okay.

but, then your mind catches you back and while you are thinking you can pretend, she tells you… No you can’t!

See your heart is connected to your soul, your soul is connected to your mind, your mind is connected to your body and they all together know that you can’t.

That it does not matter how hard you try to settle for less you just can’t settle with an okay.

YOU are worth too much for a simple “I’m okay” or a simple we are okay and then going on with life like if nothing is happening.

YOU deserve an “I love you every morning”, a “how are you today?”

a simple touch that will make you feel like you are floating and swimming in the ocean with no fear of drowning.

It’s crazy how a simple thing can make us feel IMPORTANT, how a simple thing can make us feel WANTED because when we feel those things we are UNSTOPPABLE!

But what happens when we don’t have someone that cares or sees after us? What do we do? How do we pretend?

All these questions pop up in our head specially if you are single but hey there are so many of us that may be in a relationship and we still feel like we don’t have that someone that cares and looks out for us.

But you know what? We do have someone, we always do! & Fortunately is someone that will never let us down!

We have ourselves!

So don’t wait for someone to make YOU feel those things!

GET UP! GET MOVING!

Look at your self in the mirror and say “I’M BEAUTIFUL”  don’t let him, or her nor them tell you otherwise.

Please don’t stay there paralyzed hoping that one day to another everything will change, because sadly it won’t.

You can’t change others, you can try to change them, you can try to make them love you but you shouldn’t do that because you are worth it and you will find the right one when the time is right.

Listen!

You are BEAUTIFUL and your Soul is as profound and as BLUE and PEACEFUL as the Ocean.

Keep moving forward wave after wave.

By Omar Vega
Photo By: Omar Vega

In solitude sometimes is the best way to find yourself, to rediscover who you are to realize that there are so many things within you that will take you even further that will build you and make you stronger.

It’s time to reconnect with your self and START living for YOU TODAY!

¿Porque siempre te comparas con alguien mas?

Aveces ser mujer no es tan facil en esta época de modelos de las redes sociales o talvez no solo aveces sino la mayoria del tiempo.

Son de esas veces en las que te miras en el espejo y no te gusta lo que vez en el.

Talvez porque quisieras verte como alguien más. Como otra mujer que no eres tú. Si tu piel es muy clara te crees estar pálida o demacrada y quisieras tener más color, si tu piel es morena la quisieras tener más clara. Si tus ojos son redondos los quisieras tener rasgados. Si eres muy delgada quisieras tener más carne y así nos vamos con el cuento de nunca acabar, queriendo ser lo que no somos.

Ese espejo te hace sentir más gorda, más nalgona, menos nalgona, más chichona, con menos cintura, menos caderas o más panzona. Aveces te hace sentir derrotada, triste, deprimida porque no ves lo que quieres ver, porque sientes que apesar de haber comenzado esa dieta y esa nueva rutina de ejercicios no vez cambios en tu cuerpo o talvez sientes que te vez peor.

Talvez todas esas cosas que vez en tu newsfeed del face o las fotos en el Instagram te hacen pensar que deberías aparentar o ser alguien que no eres.

Talvez al ver esas fotos de viajes, de chicas bonitas con cuerpos de modelo, de caras hermosas con ese lindo tutorial de maquillaje te deprime, porque talvez no te alcanza para ese viaje que tanto quisieras, o no tienes el tiempo para ver esos tutoriales de belleza y aprenderte a maquillar como una profesional del social media y porque talvez TU si tienes una vida real y aunque tu vida es real te molesta porque tu no puedes o no tienes el tiempo de hacer esas cosas.

Ahora si eres como yo y no tienes tiempo ni de irte de shopping ya sea porque trabajas, estudias, tienes hijos, o andas como loca haciendo mandados te metes en linea y comienzas con tu online shopping para ti y tu familia. Ya sea que visitas la página de Forever 21, Fashion Nova, Zara, Bershka, Old Navy, Bebe, Guess o cualquier página que tenga ofertas y rebajas. Las chavas en todas esas paginas se ven hermosas, jóvenes, la ropa les queda muy bien. Ves lo que te gusta y te imaginas como se mirará en tu cuerpo y te comparas a la modelo. Algunas de esas páginas usan modelos super altas y flacas, sin pecho, ni pompis, ni caderas pero se ven muy bien porque son extremadamente atractivas. Ahora en las otras páginas como Fashion Nova que utiliza a las modelos que tienen un cuerpazo con cinturita, caderas, pecho y super nalgonas, algo así como la Kim Kardashian.

De ahí te quedas viendo y pensando en que categoría cabes. Si mirándote al espejo ves que eres latina pero no tienes caderas, que tienes pecho pero no tienes las piernas largas y tienes el torso corto y no mucha cintura. Así que ahi vas comparandote una vez más y agotandote con lo de que si tienes o no tienes.

Es difícil en este día querer tu aparencia física un poco más porque en el preciso momento en el cual te empiezas a querer y aceptar tu cuerpo tal como es salen más fotos, más vídeos, más post en todas las redes sociales que visitas. Ahora eso es sin considerar tus relaciones, amigas, amigos, tus citas, pareja o esposo si eres casada y sus tantos comentarios que hacen de las fotos de los cuerpos de chavas que ven en sus redes pues de nuevo te vuelven a tambalear.

Entiende que No es su culpa, ni es la tuya.

Es la epidemia de las redes sociales que nos hace adictos a las percepciones.

Es difícil ser una mujer que no tenga inseguridades, que no tema envejecer y de que tu cuerpo no sea el mismo después de convertirte en mama.

Date la oportunidad de verte a ti misma, sin compararte a los demás. Deja de ver esas cosas que te afectan. Concéntrate y  enfocate en ti misma.

Amate, valorate y no te dejes llevar por las apariencias de los demás.

Tu como yo somos hermosas y cada una de nosotras somos únicas como todas las demas.

Leaving the Job I Dreamed Of When I Was Growing Up

So many mixed emotions and after almost 8 years February 16 was my last day at CBS Radio. Not the easiest decision considering that I always dreamed of working in Radio when I was a teenager growing up in Mexico.
I remember I used to ride in the car listening to the radio and wonder how that music and the DJ ON air would come out through those speakers & How would it feel to be the one on the other side?
Fresh out of High School and thanks to my Tia Marta Leticia that met a General Manager who’s son was a patient at the Clinic where she used to work at and talked about me and my passion for music and radio got her card for me to call her and apply for a part time gig in promotions at Clear Channel Radio now IHeart Media.
I believe I was 18 when I got that gig getting paid minimum wage driving from Cedar Hill all the way by the Galleria Mall without any highway driving experience, I mean I learned how to drive in Mexico since I was 13 but the roads do not compare to these huge freeways and being that I had just moved here from MX I barley knew how to drive on them but that did not stop me.

I went to Mountain View in the morning, helped my parents at the bakery at midday in Oak cliff then headed to work promotions in the afternoon.
My step dad hated me working in radio, he would bump in to me sometimes in the parking lots of a supermarket while I was working during a Van Hit in the middle of the summer putting bumper stickers on cars and he would say “is this what you came to the US to do? To put bumper stickers on cars? And stand out in the sun all day for $7.25 an hour”. And I would just look smile and greet another listener. You know for me that was my dream, as ridiculous as it may sound, working at the radio station was everything for me. I Stayed at La Preciosa for a year left because my step dad hated Radio for me and one day helping my parents at the bakery closer to my time to go to the station my stepdad did not allow me to leave the bakery and made me call my boss and quit my job over the phone. I was crying, I was mad because there was nothing I could do. Yes, I was 18 but that was his car not mine, that was his bakery not mine and I lived at their house not mine, So I became a limited lines car insurance sales agent lasted a year when I hear a new Radio Station that played Latin pop was in town. Left my $14 an hr insurance job I had gotten at 19 to go back to Radio at 21 to get paid $7.50.

Took a major pay cut for me in that time but it was the Passion that I had for Radio that didn’t make me think of the pay. Yes, I struggled. I was trying to go to school, work and make it with minimum wage which thanks to God, I could by living at my parents house.
From there, I kept moving on. I started picking up every shift, every event, working weekends, holidays learning as much as I could.

Board Operating, production, voice overs, traffic, events, operations, promotions, ideation, on air shifts, everything. Name the shift, I would work it. Eventually after a yr and a half from $7.50 I got a raised due to working in the office and doing a Promotions Coordinator job to $10.

I was scheduling brand ambassadors, creating content for the website, executing on air promotions and assisting the promotions department, then after that another year went by the opened a full time position to be a coordinator for Mega and 98.7 KLUV which I was already doing the job of a coordinator as a part timer for Mega 107.5. I interviewed for the position but since I was not too familiar with KLUVs format I was not selected. So another person got the promotion and I kept working as a part timer.

Long story short they separated the position and opened up the position just for Mega which then got offered to me after 3 years. Obviously I took it since I was going to get benefits and a now full time job. Things got a little crazy for me at times, work was always my escape. I started on the air as the traffic reporter for the afternoon show with Pelos Parados then later added weekends on Mega 107.5 while I was also running the promotions team and executing events, contest and all that good stuff!

It was all about work, work, work! I enjoyed helping people, being in media allowed me to help a lot of people either directly or indirectly with fundraising events, to free music festivals, concerts benefiting great causes, to creating food drives, toy drives and tons of awesome things for the community.

So even when I wanted to leave that always kept pulling me back. I went on and kept going on, the work kept increasing the pay never did. I was overwork, unappreciated and I went through periods where all that mattered to me was to have everything taken care of at the radio station. I knew I had to get out, I knew it was not healthy for me, I was under the direction of very sexist boss, who was infatuated with me and got mad because I wouldn’t go out with him. He tried, he tried really hard to make me go out with him and he could not handle rejection. I saved up my money, stuck it out for a couple of months then when I felt I could survive for a couple of months. I Quit! I put my 2 weeks notice and left that place. I needed to leave to find something else. I was going through a lot personally from my parents separating and losing every thing including our home. I was homeless for a minute and my aunt took me in. I just couldn’t help it. I needed to leave in that process I was offered a job in Hollywood working for a movie agency, recommend by a good friend and while I was interviewing in their office in LA. I received a call from the radio station offering me a position and letting me know that all prior management were no longer there and that they wanted me back!

They offered me $45,000 for a position where I would be working for the station I have worked so hard for Mega 107.5 so i just couldn’t refuse the offer. Once back in things were different, the atmosphere was better and I was happy again!

But then came another restructuration at the same time that my husband was deployed in Afghanistan (I met my husband back in my college days but reconnected when I quit my job and took a part time at Barnes and Noble) the restructuration consisted of me now overseeing La Grande 107.5 which was previously La Mega, then 98.7 KLUV (the station I didn’t get the full time position for back when I applied) and then 1080KRLD.

Life is crazy, well I had to take the responsibility since there was no other option but to take it or quit the job. My pay did not go up, so I kept the same salary and was now doing the job of 3 people. (Not too strange in radio). My husband was deployed so again I went ahead and took the challenges being busy didn’t leave me with much time to think that he was gone and that I was once again alone but not only with myself but with our 1 y/o baby girl.

Times were hard but passion kept me going, my dream kept me going.

The times I spent at CBS were a rollercoaster they were fun, they were stressfull, they made me mad, angry, hopeless, smart, knowledgeable and most importantly at my time in CBS I made some of the strongest friendships.

So saying goodbye to radio was not that easy buy I knew it was my time to move on and go on to my next adventure.

Home

Once I was lost, left without a home

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Alone, struggling through life confused.
Walking around with thousands of shattered dreams. With a broken heart, and empty soul with nothing on my name, nothing to lose nothing to gain.

I was just Jen a body walking around like a zombie, waking up, eating, going to work.

I would pick up shifts nobody else wanted, work Christmas, Thanksgiving, new years any holiday shift I would take it.
There was no purpose for me not to work it, I didn’t have anywhere else to be or to go. No where specifically to call home.

It hurt, it hurt really bad not having anyone to care for me. No one around to lift me up,  to trust to wait for me at home and ask me how my day was.

Home, I desperately looked for a place to call home. I worked hard, oh I worked hard. I focused on everything that I could do to make my self better

I struggled but I never gave up. Home. Home started in my soul, made me fall in love and have a beautiful baby girl. I can finally say I found home.

It was not something material, it was not something I could buy or work for. It was something that I could create with my own hands, with my soul, with my love, with my passion for life, for love.

Home, don’t look for it in others. Home is where you feel welcomed, love and accepted.
Love deeply, trust your soul and have faith. That’s the way you will find and create your own Home.

My Baby Girl

It is crazy, the way she walks, the way she talks, the way she is so curious about everything and anything.

She loves music, she loves to dance, her favorite song is “Imaginandote” by Reykon and Daddy Yankee, reggaeton of course, she is half Mexican half Russian so she can’t stay away from her Latin roots.

She loves oreo Cookies but only eats the icing and I end up having to eat the actual oreo Cookie. Haha not good for a diet.

She sleeps in my bed and oh my gosh she sleeps all over it and ends up almost kicking me off the bed. I’m surprised I haven’t woken up on the floor. She snores hehe, she kicks, she wakes me up at night every night for a bottle.

She makes a mess but she cleans up after, well she tries to clean up after. She loves her toys, she likes despicable me and she is now over Tarzan.

She’s funny, she’s bossy, she is definitely sassy. Olesya, my baby girl.
I am so lucky and blessed to be your mom.

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Confessions Of A Military Wife During Deployment

Such a deep word, well at least for me. Deployment.

It has been more than 8 months since he left home to go overseas. At the beginning I was lost as this was the first deployment that I was going to face in my life and my husband and I had only been together for 2 years and we had just became new parents on 2014 of a beautiful baby girl. Our first baby, my first time being a mom ever, I was lost. I was scared, it was too much for me to take at once. Being a new mom, having a full time job, living alone again.

I had been alone for a lot of years and I mean alone, my parents had separated and in that process we had lost everything they went different ways and I stayed renting a room at an aunts house that offered me her home. I felt alone, with no one there to care for me, to ask for me, to guide me, to love me.

I finally had what I had been looking for, my little family and at the moment of hearing the news at that moment that he told me he was leaving my heart just fell apart, I felt this huge pain on my chest, I felt like I could not breathe. I cried, I just didn’t like the fact of being on my own with my baby.

The first month was the hardest for me, it was the waking up and knowing he was not there. It was the getting on to the usual routine of coming back from work, rushing to get home pick up my baby buy something fast so I could make some dinner.

See him coming up the stairs in the apartment and then having dinner together. It was the getting stranded at the side of the road and me wanting to call him but then being like “wait he is not here” so then to me having to find out, call people, text them for help to see if someone would help me.

It was the getting used to not having him at home to help me with our baby, that if I had to work late or if I had an event I would be like baby can you pick her up today I am still working.  It was those quick runs to the store when I was in the middle of cooking or noticed we did not have milk, diapers, or anything that was needed at that time that he would just run and go get them while I would be at home with our baby.

It was the getting used to, doing it all on my own but now with a baby.

Then the idea started getting in my head that he was no longer home, that I couldn’t just call him and he would be there to help. That it was just me and my beautiful Milan.

We talk every day via the Fb Messenger video call, so that always gives me peace to keep the communication going.

So 1 month, 2 months, 3 months went by and you start getting used to it, you start finding ways on how to do things, when to do them and how to make them work, you adjust. It hurts, you still miss him but you get used to it. You just deal with it. You deal with the fact that it does not matter how you feel or how sad or depress you get that is not going to bring him back so you try to move on, to try to not think about all the moments when he was home because it hurts. You just think and pray that he will be okay and that God gives you the strength to keep moving!

The 4th month comes by, the 5th and the 6th it hits you again. The holidays are coming and this would be the first Christmas that we were going to spend in our first home which we bought while he is still deployed, so that means he has not seen our first home, he has only seen it through pictures and videos. Now this was also a hard process to go by alone with a Full Time Job and a baby but yeah all that happened around September.

In the 6th and 7th month which were November and December those months were a little hard. Spending thanksgiving without my husband which would had been our first Thanksgiving together as a married couple and it would had been our first Christmas as well as a married couple. So yeah with this deployment we have missed a lot of first times. It does not mean we cannot recreate but the time lost never comes back.

There are a lot of things that Military families sacrifice, a lot of military moms that are living like a single mom, struggling holding the fork at home, keeping it together. Some are full time moms, some are full time moms and full time employees, some are going to school, working and taking care of their kids.

It is just hard. From my own perspective you really need to love your husband with all your heart to support them. Military life is not for all. It is not for the selfish, it is not for the greedy, it is not for the unfaithful, it is not for the weak.

Deployment really has it’s way of testing your love, your loyalty, your friendship, your mind, your soul.

I am still in the deployment period he is not coming home yet, we still have several months to go to be back together again.

I can tell you that this deployment has changed my life, my perspective towards life, it has renewed myself, it has made me stronger, appreciate life, open my eyes to my surroundings, it has made me a good mom, a good wife, a good employee, a good person.

It allowed me to find myself, after being lost and afraid of being alone. It made me see that nothing is impossible that I am a women capable of so many things and that their is no limit to pursue my dreams and strive every day to be better for my baby and for my husband.

I am not saying I like this deployment because I don’t, what I am saying is that we are the ones that make it what we want it to be. Have your Soldiers back and they should always have yours. Don’t let them down and support them through this difficult journey.

Soldier On, because that’s what moms do.

HAZ CLICK AQUI PARA LEERLO EN ESPAÑOL 

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Married & Flirting: When Is It Too Far?

So this one is a good one, how far is it too far? Married and flirting when is it too far.

I know boys will be boys and there is no stopping them in flirting with other girls, I mean totally get it they want to feel like they still got it and they can pull anything that wears a skirt and gives them a little smile.

That just blows their mind, that tiny moment exchanging smiles and simple conversations with some other girl that of course it is not your wife.

But when is it too far? I will tell you in that split second when the little smiles, turn into a conversation and that conversation leads to a phone number exchange,  an email, a social media friend request or any other communication platform that says we will connect further and continue this flirting stage into more conversations.

That right there has gone too far. You might be asking your self but why? if it is just a “new friend” it is “nothing more”.

Let me go back to that moment that you took her number and you did not even care to stop and say hey sorry but I am MARRIED and I have children. It was really nice talking to you.

No you went ahead and took the number, the email, the name, the request etc. Which means you took it little to far.. possibly falling into the first stage of cheating.

In all this setting there was no mention to your wife about this encounter, this “new friend” that you made while in a business trip, a guys night out, during a deployment or any other location. You are thousands of miles away, you have a family back home but you didn’t care.

All you cared about is that simple little moment of feeling special and the fact that you are talking and starting a new relationship with another girl that is not your wife.

That flirting right there is when it’s gone too far.

If you are in an open relationship a very open marriage then this might not be too far if you 2 have agreed to flirt with others and create new encounters, new relationships with other people and still manage to be good with each other.

Just think about it of when you are at the verge of going to far, I will say it’s so simple. Just think about what you would not be okay with your wife doing behind your back. What you think being in that reverse place and it makes you upset because your wife did it. That right there is how you know… when you or her have gone to far.

Now don’t get me wrong I am a girl and of course if I see a handsome guy or he is giving me a little of attention and he approaches me for a conversation I wouldn’t deny a conversation and if I am interested in continuing that conversation further than what we just had at that moment then I would take his number but this is, if I was Single!

I would not doubt it and I would take his digits in a heart beat but being Married I don’t think my husband would be too happy if he found out that I had been exchanging my number and connecting with another guy just so we can be friends.

I don’t think there is a problem with flirting or seeing other girls and thinking they are cute, have a nice body or are very attractive. Same goes to women I don’t think their is anything wrong on seeing a guy and thinking they are Hot!  We are humans and we are not blind and not because we are married means that we don’t notice these things. But theirs is that fine line right on the edge of flirting and falling in to cheating. It all starts with  exchanging a number.

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What do you think?

 

 

 

 

 

 

What Am I Thankful For?

I am thankful for You;

The person that was not there when I needed you, the person that didn’t answer when I called, the one that was to busy to give me a hand, the one that made it hard for me when I thought I couldn’t do more, the one that told me I was not good enough, for the one that says I have it easy,  for the one that talks, points, criticizes without knowing, for the one that looks at me and wishes deep inside that I fail, for the fake interaction, for the one that judges me, for the one that saw me on the floor and instead of helping me told me you be fine you can handle it. I am thankful for the one that raised me,  For the one that calls and calls waiting for me to answer, for the one that does not give up on me, for the one that makes me stronger, for the one that cares, for the one that pretends to care, I am thankful for you, for the one that makes me smile, that lifts me up when I am sad, for my ray of light my sunshine, I am thankful for you.

I am thankful for those:

Those that left and forced me to walk alone,  that got separated and took everything with them, those that didn’t think about the damage they were causing, for the ones that saw me struggling and didn’t even reach out, for the ones that saw me lonely during the holidays and didn’t care to text me, for the ones that knew my life and pretended that they didn’t, for the ones who had the basics and didn’t care to offer, for the ones that make it easy, for the ones that cared and were nothing but strangers, for the ones that asked me how are you doing? for the ones that bought me a cake the day of my birthday, I am thankful for the ones that offered me something and I didn’t even asked, for the ones that wrote me a note or card and it was not a special occasion, for those who make it hard, for those who are self centered.  I am thankful for those that are there when no calls them to be there. I am thankful for those that are alone, that made horrible mistakes and as a result unfortunately showed us what way not to go, I am thankful for those that gave their time when they didn’t have any to give.

I am thankful for them:

For the ones that went on with their lives, pretending that we did not belong together, for the ones  that forgot where family was formed and the values that they bring to all, for the ones that ran away as fast as they could so no one could ask for them, for the ones that denied any sort of relationship so they would not be associated. For the ones that did what they thought would be the best for them, for the ones that tried so hard to keep their sanity and make the world feel like a better place. I am thankful for them that fight every day to go further and never turn back to uncover the past. I am thankful for them that keep moving forward despite the adversity it brings to walk in the mud, I am thankful for them that are or were part of my life.

I am thankful for us:

For us that keep on moving despite the distance between us, for us that stay positive in the middle of it all, for us that are living a relationship via messages and video calls, for us who are married and carry the struggles of learning from each other. For us that are young, for us that just had our first baby, for us that are trying to be better, for us that life wasn’t to easy, for us that come form different cultures, from different countries and different customs, I am thankful for us that never give up!

In the end pretty much I am thankful for everyone, for every single person that has walked in, walked out, stayed or passed by because thanks to you all I am the person that I am today.

Happy Thanksgiving!

-Jen

Night Thoughts

Right before closing your eyes, there laying in bed. They start coming out, your head starts spinning with no alcohol in your system. It’s just you… thinking, thinking and thinking how would things be?

How difficult they get and if tomorrow would be easier?
You have faith but you get extremely exhausted of always having it and being positive about everything.

You go over everyone in your life that has crossed your path and you realize how alone you are.

Some things bother you , and it is not because you don’t have them but because you wish you had a hand out from someone to help get on your feet.

It seems like you keep fighting against the system that is never going to change  and it sucks! Those thoughts at night always come up, the ones that keep you awake and don’t let you sleep the ones that don’t want the next day to be here soon or the ones that just want to fast forward life until another season.

Night Thoughts.

To whom it may concern,

First and foremost my husband and I want to thank you for considering us.

We are sincerely very nervous, excited and happy of being able to soon own our first home.

I loved seing your photos such a beautiful family you have. My husband was not able to be phisically present but luckily he was able to see the house via photos that I took and sent him via messenger.

Our 14 month old baby girl and I dropped off Andrey a few weeks ago at the airport. It was hard to say goodbye. He is currently in Afghanistan and we won’t be able to see him until next year, so it really has been a little emotional time for us, specially trying to find a house without him present to see it.
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Your house brought me so much hope, happiness, loved to see the bright colors, your wedding photos and everything that you have done to make it unique. Please know that if you consider us/choose us you would be the ones giving us the opportunity to start our new chapter, to give one of the biggest steps moving towards a better future, a new life for our little family.

Your house made me feel like it was the right place for Andrey and I to raise our little girl. I started thinking of that day that Andrey is finally back; and I realized that he would be coming back to our first home and that special moment I will never forget.

I know you may get really nice offers probably better than ours and that is really nice. We just wanted to say thank you for being able to make us feel special and creating a memory that we will always remember.

Sincerely,
JM.
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