Deployed To Assist In Hurricane Relief Operations

And off he went to help with hurricane relief operations.

I am proud to be his wife and see him doing what he loves. 😍

You would think that saying goodbye gets easier with time but it doesn’t seem like it does.😭

It doesn’t matter if I am saying goodbye for a weekend, a week, months or a year. It’s always the same feeling. That thing you feel in your stomack and in your heart and no, it’s not butterflies. It’s a feeling that I sometimes cannot explain.

I feel happy to see him go to help others, I feel proud of being married to him for serving others, I feel honor, I feel like I am a part of everything that he does even if I am not the one wearing the uniform but in the other hand I also feel sad, worried, confused hoping deep down that he is not gone for long. I feel like I’ll be alone again with my 3 year old and I am going to have to make adjustments again, you know the little things I guess.

Like now having to wake up an Hour earlier than usual and drive 30 miles west from my house to now drop her off at school then head back pass my house to drive East and make it on time to work in downtown or having to cancel my recently registered boot camp that I had signed up to do for the month of September considering that he would be home sleeping with Olesya while I would try to “work out” hehe (I don’t work out) this was going to be myself forcing to get into the “fit mom club” haha well that will have to wait but I mean those things are not important.

What is important is that I support him and that I love him for him.

One thing that does make me a little emotional is seing that Olesya is now older & already knows that when papi puts on his uniform she won’t be able to see him through the night. She now says “Papi Army”. She looks at him and says:

“Papi you go Army? Don’t go Army”.

It’s the little things that we as military spouse’s have to live with. The constant goodbyes, the long distance relationship, the being mom and dad at the same time when your service member is deployed. Despite all of those things…

I am proud of my Soldier!🇺🇸

I am happy that through him we are able to help in some way the victims of #HurricaneHarvey.

Because I may be the wife that stays back home but I will never stop praying for his and everyone else’s safety. 🙏

#TexasStrong #ArmyStrong #Harvey #Helpingothers #Pray #UnityThroughPrayers #family #Prayerchain #hope #faith

Was It Too Rushed?

Sitting on the couch looking through the window, I see the rain is poring down. Getting stronger and stronger then I hear some thunder while my husband is on the other room watching TV and playing video Games.

My mind starts to wonder off, was it to rushed. Did we get involve to quick? Do we really have a lot of things in common?

He says I am a Dreamer, that I like to try and jump into new things constantly, that I l like to travel and that he is okay with simply being. With being comfortable and staying with the already known.

That made me think again, was it too rushed? Are we really meant for eachother? Did we become parents way too soon? are we really entitled to last, if our differences are more and more noticeable every day that passes by?

He was deployed for almost a year, so in that whole year we spent it apart, each one of us adapted to being alone and grew internally closer to our own selfs.

He bacame more into porn, video games and social media. I became more into porn as well along with the desire to travel, to live more, to take my baby and experience the beauty of the world.

That time apart from eachother made us mature, grow and become better parents. We are a good team together, we love eachother, we care for eachother, we count on eachother, we are just so different and at the beggining of our relationship we went in, full speed. I mean no brakes no nothing. We ran wild, we did so many crazy things together that made us fall in love fast without thinking of the future. We used to talk, laugh, have fun together.

Today we can go a full day with out really speaking to eachother. Specially with this technology, social media world makes it harder to communicate. We are here but we are not really here. We are present but not really present.

I crave for real conversations, real touch, real advice. Being human together. The being present, the enjoying life through our eyes, touch, smell in all of our senses.

He is more into sitting outside smoking and watching videos on Facebook. While I am just here hanging on trying to have any conversations with him that are not just a msg or a phone call.

We are in the same house but not in the same room more than 30mins, unless it is bed time and we are getting ready to go to sleep.

All of this could be just a post-deployment effect and all I am doing is trying to support and hang on tight. Trying to hold on as much as I can.




Confessions Of A Military Wife During Deployment

Such a deep word, well at least for me. Deployment.

It has been more than 8 months since he left home to go overseas. At the beginning I was lost as this was the first deployment that I was going to face in my life and my husband and I had only been together for 2 years and we had just became new parents on 2014 of a beautiful baby girl. Our first baby, my first time being a mom ever, I was lost. I was scared, it was too much for me to take at once. Being a new mom, having a full time job, living alone again.

I had been alone for a lot of years and I mean alone, my parents had separated and in that process we had lost everything they went different ways and I stayed renting a room at an aunts house that offered me her home. I felt alone, with no one there to care for me, to ask for me, to guide me, to love me.

I finally had what I had been looking for, my little family and at the moment of hearing the news at that moment that he told me he was leaving my heart just fell apart, I felt this huge pain on my chest, I felt like I could not breathe. I cried, I just didn’t like the fact of being on my own with my baby.

The first month was the hardest for me, it was the waking up and knowing he was not there. It was the getting on to the usual routine of coming back from work, rushing to get home pick up my baby buy something fast so I could make some dinner.

See him coming up the stairs in the apartment and then having dinner together. It was the getting stranded at the side of the road and me wanting to call him but then being like “wait he is not here” so then to me having to find out, call people, text them for help to see if someone would help me.

It was the getting used to not having him at home to help me with our baby, that if I had to work late or if I had an event I would be like baby can you pick her up today I am still working.  It was those quick runs to the store when I was in the middle of cooking or noticed we did not have milk, diapers, or anything that was needed at that time that he would just run and go get them while I would be at home with our baby.

It was the getting used to, doing it all on my own but now with a baby.

Then the idea started getting in my head that he was no longer home, that I couldn’t just call him and he would be there to help. That it was just me and my beautiful Milan.

We talk every day via the Fb Messenger video call, so that always gives me peace to keep the communication going.

So 1 month, 2 months, 3 months went by and you start getting used to it, you start finding ways on how to do things, when to do them and how to make them work, you adjust. It hurts, you still miss him but you get used to it. You just deal with it. You deal with the fact that it does not matter how you feel or how sad or depress you get that is not going to bring him back so you try to move on, to try to not think about all the moments when he was home because it hurts. You just think and pray that he will be okay and that God gives you the strength to keep moving!

The 4th month comes by, the 5th and the 6th it hits you again. The holidays are coming and this would be the first Christmas that we were going to spend in our first home which we bought while he is still deployed, so that means he has not seen our first home, he has only seen it through pictures and videos. Now this was also a hard process to go by alone with a Full Time Job and a baby but yeah all that happened around September.

In the 6th and 7th month which were November and December those months were a little hard. Spending thanksgiving without my husband which would had been our first Thanksgiving together as a married couple and it would had been our first Christmas as well as a married couple. So yeah with this deployment we have missed a lot of first times. It does not mean we cannot recreate but the time lost never comes back.

There are a lot of things that Military families sacrifice, a lot of military moms that are living like a single mom, struggling holding the fork at home, keeping it together. Some are full time moms, some are full time moms and full time employees, some are going to school, working and taking care of their kids.

It is just hard. From my own perspective you really need to love your husband with all your heart to support them. Military life is not for all. It is not for the selfish, it is not for the greedy, it is not for the unfaithful, it is not for the weak.

Deployment really has it’s way of testing your love, your loyalty, your friendship, your mind, your soul.

I am still in the deployment period he is not coming home yet, we still have several months to go to be back together again.

I can tell you that this deployment has changed my life, my perspective towards life, it has renewed myself, it has made me stronger, appreciate life, open my eyes to my surroundings, it has made me a good mom, a good wife, a good employee, a good person.

It allowed me to find myself, after being lost and afraid of being alone. It made me see that nothing is impossible that I am a women capable of so many things and that their is no limit to pursue my dreams and strive every day to be better for my baby and for my husband.

I am not saying I like this deployment because I don’t, what I am saying is that we are the ones that make it what we want it to be. Have your Soldiers back and they should always have yours. Don’t let them down and support them through this difficult journey.

Soldier On, because that’s what moms do.









Married & Flirting: When Is It Too Far?

So this one is a good one, how far is it too far? Married and flirting when is it too far.

I know boys will be boys and there is no stopping them in flirting with other girls, I mean totally get it they want to feel like they still got it and they can pull anything that wears a skirt and gives them a little smile.

That just blows their mind, that tiny moment exchanging smiles and simple conversations with some other girl that of course it is not your wife.

But when is it too far? I will tell you in that split second when the little smiles, turn into a conversation and that conversation leads to a phone number exchange,  an email, a social media friend request or any other communication platform that says we will connect further and continue this flirting stage into more conversations.

That right there has gone too far. You might be asking your self but why? if it is just a “new friend” it is “nothing more”.

Let me go back to that moment that you took her number and you did not even care to stop and say hey sorry but I am MARRIED and I have children. It was really nice talking to you.

No you went ahead and took the number, the email, the name, the request etc. Which means you took it little to far.. possibly falling into the first stage of cheating.

In all this setting there was no mention to your wife about this encounter, this “new friend” that you made while in a business trip, a guys night out, during a deployment or any other location. You are thousands of miles away, you have a family back home but you didn’t care.

All you cared about is that simple little moment of feeling special and the fact that you are talking and starting a new relationship with another girl that is not your wife.

That flirting right there is when it’s gone too far.

If you are in an open relationship a very open marriage then this might not be too far if you 2 have agreed to flirt with others and create new encounters, new relationships with other people and still manage to be good with each other.

Just think about it of when you are at the verge of going to far, I will say it’s so simple. Just think about what you would not be okay with your wife doing behind your back. What you think being in that reverse place and it makes you upset because your wife did it. That right there is how you know… when you or her have gone to far.

Now don’t get me wrong I am a girl and of course if I see a handsome guy or he is giving me a little of attention and he approaches me for a conversation I wouldn’t deny a conversation and if I am interested in continuing that conversation further than what we just had at that moment then I would take his number but this is, if I was Single!

I would not doubt it and I would take his digits in a heart beat but being Married I don’t think my husband would be too happy if he found out that I had been exchanging my number and connecting with another guy just so we can be friends.

I don’t think there is a problem with flirting or seeing other girls and thinking they are cute, have a nice body or are very attractive. Same goes to women I don’t think their is anything wrong on seeing a guy and thinking they are Hot!  We are humans and we are not blind and not because we are married means that we don’t notice these things. But theirs is that fine line right on the edge of flirting and falling in to cheating. It all starts with  exchanging a number.


What do you think?







What Am I Thankful For?

I am thankful for You;

The person that was not there when I needed you, the person that didn’t answer when I called, the one that was to busy to give me a hand, the one that made it hard for me when I thought I couldn’t do more, the one that told me I was not good enough, for the one that says I have it easy,  for the one that talks, points, criticizes without knowing, for the one that looks at me and wishes deep inside that I fail, for the fake interaction, for the one that judges me, for the one that saw me on the floor and instead of helping me told me you be fine you can handle it. I am thankful for the one that raised me,  For the one that calls and calls waiting for me to answer, for the one that does not give up on me, for the one that makes me stronger, for the one that cares, for the one that pretends to care, I am thankful for you, for the one that makes me smile, that lifts me up when I am sad, for my ray of light my sunshine, I am thankful for you.

I am thankful for those:

Those that left and forced me to walk alone,  that got separated and took everything with them, those that didn’t think about the damage they were causing, for the ones that saw me struggling and didn’t even reach out, for the ones that saw me lonely during the holidays and didn’t care to text me, for the ones that knew my life and pretended that they didn’t, for the ones who had the basics and didn’t care to offer, for the ones that make it easy, for the ones that cared and were nothing but strangers, for the ones that asked me how are you doing? for the ones that bought me a cake the day of my birthday, I am thankful for the ones that offered me something and I didn’t even asked, for the ones that wrote me a note or card and it was not a special occasion, for those who make it hard, for those who are self centered.  I am thankful for those that are there when no calls them to be there. I am thankful for those that are alone, that made horrible mistakes and as a result unfortunately showed us what way not to go, I am thankful for those that gave their time when they didn’t have any to give.

I am thankful for them:

For the ones that went on with their lives, pretending that we did not belong together, for the ones  that forgot where family was formed and the values that they bring to all, for the ones that ran away as fast as they could so no one could ask for them, for the ones that denied any sort of relationship so they would not be associated. For the ones that did what they thought would be the best for them, for the ones that tried so hard to keep their sanity and make the world feel like a better place. I am thankful for them that fight every day to go further and never turn back to uncover the past. I am thankful for them that keep moving forward despite the adversity it brings to walk in the mud, I am thankful for them that are or were part of my life.

I am thankful for us:

For us that keep on moving despite the distance between us, for us that stay positive in the middle of it all, for us that are living a relationship via messages and video calls, for us who are married and carry the struggles of learning from each other. For us that are young, for us that just had our first baby, for us that are trying to be better, for us that life wasn’t to easy, for us that come form different cultures, from different countries and different customs, I am thankful for us that never give up!

In the end pretty much I am thankful for everyone, for every single person that has walked in, walked out, stayed or passed by because thanks to you all I am the person that I am today.

Happy Thanksgiving!


To whom it may concern,

First and foremost my husband and I want to thank you for considering us.

We are sincerely very nervous, excited and happy of being able to soon own our first home.

I loved seing your photos such a beautiful family you have. My husband was not able to be phisically present but luckily he was able to see the house via photos that I took and sent him via messenger.

Our 14 month old baby girl and I dropped off Andrey a few weeks ago at the airport. It was hard to say goodbye. He is currently in Afghanistan and we won’t be able to see him until next year, so it really has been a little emotional time for us, specially trying to find a house without him present to see it.

Your house brought me so much hope, happiness, loved to see the bright colors, your wedding photos and everything that you have done to make it unique. Please know that if you consider us/choose us you would be the ones giving us the opportunity to start our new chapter, to give one of the biggest steps moving towards a better future, a new life for our little family.

Your house made me feel like it was the right place for Andrey and I to raise our little girl. I started thinking of that day that Andrey is finally back; and I realized that he would be coming back to our first home and that special moment I will never forget.

I know you may get really nice offers probably better than ours and that is really nice. We just wanted to say thank you for being able to make us feel special and creating a memory that we will always remember.


The 4 Day Pass

Wish we had more time, I am living thinking that tomorrow when I wake up he will still be here.

That Olesya our little baby girl will continue to be as happy as she is when he holds her, that I will have him sleeping next to me like he is right now.

I feel safe! I don’t want to let him go. I know he has to leave, I know that he will be leaving to make sure that we continue having the freedom and safety that we take for granted every day.

He will be going off overseas to some part in the middle east where he will Soldier On to make sure that him and his brothers are safe and return home.

My Sgt Gunner Combat Engineer will no longer be home, I want to be happy, enjoy our time together and have the best time ever. I don’t want for him to let me go, these days are going by so fast.

Need to get everything ready in these couple of days, merge our bank accounts, organize our bills, make car insurance changes, get the power of attorney and don’t forget to visit the family and spend some time with our mutual friends.

So many things to do in so little time, not to mention he got here on a Thursday night and leaves on Monday so literally there is only 2 business days to get everything business related done.

We are also looking for a house at this time, and getting everything done is a little challenging. We only got to see one house together,  I will be having to pick our home by myself and send him photos about it. Not cool, it really sucks to do things by myself knowing that I have him.

See in these 4 days you want to just be happy, but doing everything in such rushed time, is so much pressure, communication is very important between us, between you and him if you are also going thru this same situation. This would be his 3rd tour but it would be my first. We just got married a couple of Months ago and not being able to have him home with me in our first year of marriage is not what I was hoping for but there is no other option and we need to both keep our marriage strong.

It really hasn’t hit me yet that he will be leaving well it has but I don’t want to think about it. I am trying to take it one day at a time and wishing that Monday doesn’t get here too quick.

This 4 day pass is really killing and breaking my heart, you get to see him but you know he will be leaving and you wont be able to see him until next years comes.