Sitting on the couch looking through the window, I see the rain is poring down. Getting stronger and stronger then I hear some thunder while my husband is on the other room watching TV and playing video Games.
My mind starts to wonder off, was it to rushed. Did we get involve to quick? Do we really have a lot of things in common?
He says I am a Dreamer, that I like to try and jump into new things constantly, that I l like to travel and that he is okay with simply being. With being comfortable and staying with the already known.
That made me think again, was it too rushed? Are we really meant for eachother? Did we become parents way too soon? are we really entitled to last, if our differences are more and more noticeable every day that passes by?
He was deployed for almost a year, so in that whole year we spent it apart, each one of us adapted to being alone and grew internally closer to our own selfs.
He bacame more into porn, video games and social media. I became more into porn as well along with the desire to travel, to live more, to take my baby and experience the beauty of the world.
That time apart from eachother made us mature, grow and become better parents. We are a good team together, we love eachother, we care for eachother, we count on eachother, we are just so different and at the beggining of our relationship we went in, full speed. I mean no brakes no nothing. We ran wild, we did so many crazy things together that made us fall in love fast without thinking of the future. We used to talk, laugh, have fun together.
Today we can go a full day with out really speaking to eachother. Specially with this technology, social media world makes it harder to communicate. We are here but we are not really here. We are present but not really present.
I crave for real conversations, real touch, real advice. Being human together. The being present, the enjoying life through our eyes, touch, smell in all of our senses.
He is more into sitting outside smoking and watching videos on Facebook. While I am just here hanging on trying to have any conversations with him that are not just a msg or a phone call.
We are in the same house but not in the same room more than 30mins, unless it is bed time and we are getting ready to go to sleep.
All of this could be just a post-deployment effect and all I am doing is trying to support and hang on tight. Trying to hold on as much as I can.