Anniversary

Today

is not just another day in the calendar. It is the day we both said I Do. Either if he wanted to or not or if I wanted to or not. We did it. We got married.

We decided to get married during his 4 day pass, it was rushed, it was fast it was not special. It happened way to fast that neither one of has had time to even think about it.

I know he didn’t want to marry me and I will always remember that because he said it very clear that night. It’s understandable he had just gotten a divorce from a very bad marriage and well going right into another one was not ideal.

I, I wanted to be given my place. I didn’t like being called the baby momma and hated to go out in public places and say he is my baby daddy. I knew that if I was not married, I  didn’t have a reason to stay with him while deployed. Why would I If we were just gf and bf.

It was a hard thing to do probably for both of us. Today we reach our first wedding anniversary where from that whole year I can say we spent it probably the most 3 weeks together the rest was apart.

Not living together, he was in Afghanistan and I was here at home. It was not easy considering he had the opportunity to call home and he always decided not to do so too often.

I know that helps, when you don’t call often doesn’t mean you don’t want to it just means you don’t want to miss us as much since we can’t be together.

I sent my husband roses today and a note saying happy anniversary. I felt it from the bottom of my heart it is kind of  unusual but I wanted him to feel special and loved.

I was nervous all day, I told my self and had made up my mind not to expect anything today but in the back of my head I had these little feeling of like don’t worry he will send you a little note, or he probably cooked for you today, or he bought you a card from Walmart. You will see.

All day I had this feeling, I knew what was going to happen I just didn’t want to think about it.
He kept rushing me asking me to be home by 6p.
I was thinking, what does he have? Did he plan something? Is it true it’s the home Depot guy coming to the house or he just made it up??

It’s crazy all the things you create in your head. Almost 90% of those don’t happen.

They are just there in your head. It’s 10:05p right now and no I didn’t get a happy anniversary text, note, letter or even by word.
No he didn’t cook me dinner, no he didn’t buy me a $2 card. No he didn’t take me to dinner. No he didn’t do anything.

I thought it wouldn’t hurt, I thought I was going to be okay but no I am disappointed, I am a little sad but well that is what happens when you expect.

You hurt, you get sad, you cry.