Why I Stopped Believing In Marriage

Marriage, such  a deep word. Sacred, beautiful, crazy, lovable, unforgettable.

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed that growing up I would find this perfect guy that would take me to the altar wearing this awesome dress like in the novelas.

You know making a huge entrance wearing white, looking amazingly beautiful. With white petals falling and the people around us smiling and seeing my mom happy, staring at me with so much pride and mixed emotions of watching me grow into a new wonderful life.

Well that dream didn’t last too long, as it appears the little girl started growing up and the whole meaning and thought of getting married just started fading away.

Looking at my parents just didn’t make sense, I couldn’t understand how they could continue with each other and damaging all of us around them.

My Mom got together with my step dad and had only married him by the Justice of the Peace, court, legally whatever you may refer to it when I was 2 years old. It was not until I turned 15 years old that they got married by church.

I seriously could not understand why they were doing that, well could had been that because I was turning 15 and the priest in order for him to celebrate mass for me, my parents needed to have all they sacrilegious in place and one of those was marriage. In the catholic church being married just by law is a sin, you need to be married by church in order for you to participate in communion. So in other words to the priest eyes they were sinners.

So I thought well, they are getting married by church and by that I believe that my step dad will respect my mom, love her, care for her and not hit her, cheat on her and destroy her emotionally like he has been doing for the past 10 years. Hmm this should fix it, it would make my step dad more considerate and protect his marriage better now that they have been re-married and blessed by church.

Yeah, nothing really changed, he did not give my mom the best life, he gave her the money but not the love. He really beat her down to her knees, like literally and I just couldn’t find the meaning of why they were married and still together. I mean they were now going on 22 years and still married.

Their story jaded my dream, my hope, my illusion. The whole thought of finding the perfect person that would love and protect me. That would care and respect me. I no longer wanted to get married. I no longer wanted to walk down the isle wearing that gorgeous dress.

Having the amazing party with friends and family, sharing and creating memories that I would never forget.

I avoided that word for years, I grew up doubtful and not trusting. Not believing that people can make marriage work.  See now a days people are so caught up with themselves that all they think about is them.

Making all these comments of: “Well if she wants to be with me, she’ll stay” , “This is how I am, and I am not changing”

I believe there are too many out there that think the same way like me. That Marriage does not work.

I know that there are also many that still believe, I want to be the one that still believes and change everyone’s thoughts on marriage. Now that I have a baby, I think that I do not want her to grow up thinking that marriage is not necessary, that it has no meaning. I want her to believe in the same fairytale that I believed.

I got married, not the way that I had dreamed I would but I did. I know that I will get to see my fairy tale one day probably not in me but through my eyes in my baby’s life.

We will make it better for our kids, I know we will.

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